我的心在落大雨,甚至连我整个人也想落大雨.
焦虑,不安,心烦,低落,不知如何是好,我不清楚我到底是怎样.
今早的面试,是有史以来令我感觉到超级无敌高的挫败感!
我第一次在面试中表现得那么的紧张和僵硬,根本不知道我在做些什么.
我一直以为我自己表现得蛮不错,还不至于太差的程度,谁知这一趟真的大受打击.
或许我真的不够好,可是我难以接受,还是我太自以为是呢?
很多时候,我都会缺乏自信心,明明我搞得定的东西,我会对自己自我怀疑.
一连去了三间公司面试,但似乎还没找到适合的.
是我太挑剔,还是我不信任我自己?
或者,我适应了现公司的环境和人事,我害怕去尝试新事物?
我很烦,烦到我想逃离这一切,可以吗?
过渡期,我过不了. 怎样过?
巫先生,我想见到你的脸,见到你,我会感得比较好.
可惜你不在我身边...
我只好用眼泪去发泄我的情绪,我又要把这一切放在心里面,关上锁头.
原来我是脆弱的...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Decision
- Decision made -
Spoke to my manager on last Wednesday.
She insisted to ask me to stay.
- Considering -
(just wanted to be nice to her, and try not to reject directly)
I'm sorry.
Been thinking over and over again.
Still, can't change my mind.
Letter prepared.
Today's morning.
Just went out from Doris's room to print out the letter.
Put the letter into envelope.
Thinking when to give it.
Suddenly, she asked me.
Thus, I straight away handed it to her.
Gosh, timing just ngam ngam.
Good to be like this too, I need not to think when to submit it.
During marketing meeting, she told me she will not submit to boss first, in case if I change my mind again, she would like to return the letter to me.
LOL!!
I know she really want me to stay.
But, sorry, I made you disappointed.
I will not change my mind.
Decision made.
This is not the place that I supposed to be with.
Bye!
Job hunting starts again!
In 2 weeks time.
Can I do it?
I'm going back to event.
Friends, support me?
I must send out my resume tonight!
Go go go!
Spoke to my manager on last Wednesday.
She insisted to ask me to stay.
- Considering -
(just wanted to be nice to her, and try not to reject directly)
I'm sorry.
Been thinking over and over again.
Still, can't change my mind.
Letter prepared.
Today's morning.
Just went out from Doris's room to print out the letter.
Put the letter into envelope.
Thinking when to give it.
Suddenly, she asked me.
Thus, I straight away handed it to her.
Gosh, timing just ngam ngam.
Good to be like this too, I need not to think when to submit it.
During marketing meeting, she told me she will not submit to boss first, in case if I change my mind again, she would like to return the letter to me.
LOL!!
I know she really want me to stay.
But, sorry, I made you disappointed.
I will not change my mind.
Decision made.
This is not the place that I supposed to be with.
Bye!
Job hunting starts again!
In 2 weeks time.
Can I do it?
I'm going back to event.
Friends, support me?
I must send out my resume tonight!
Go go go!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Dilemma
I'm in a serious dilemma. I can't decide whether I wanna stay or leave.
It's my 2nd month of doing this job in this company. But I slowly find out that I don't really satisfy with the standard and rules of this company. It's out of my expectation. Not like what I been told during my interview. Some minor changes do affect a lot!
Firstly, the annual leave is too little, it's only 8 days. I've been asking around for their opinions, all feedback are "It's too little!" Another thing I heard about is something about Chinese New Year. The official public holidays that my company takes for CNY is only 2 days. Due to my boss has great believe in Feng Shui stuffs, so normally he will reopens the company much later like "Nian Chu Liu" or whatever. Meaning we will have 4 more days off right, but SAD to say that it will deduct from our ANNUAL LEAVE! What on earth is that? Isn't that supposed to be some FREE off day for the employees? But why to deduct it again? Not to mention the annual leave is ALREADY TOO LITTLE!
Secondly, regarding the Public Holidays, the lady boss is too "obey" the Labour Law which give us 10 days of holidays + recent announced Malaysia Day on 16th September 2010. All together is only 11 days. No extra holidays. Guess what, I have to work on 1st of January. Crazy people! I think it's the only company who work on New Year whereas all are enjoying their own sweet time. What's the point to work on that day where no one actually working? No point and it's wasting our time and petrol. Shit!
Thirdly, about the Over Time Claim. Note, no money claims for it. You can only claim for leave. I was being told that OT start counting after 6pm. Who knows, it starts counting after 6pm ONLY when you're working ON SITE. If you are to work late at office, no way! After 9pm only will counting for your OT. What does it means? I'm not consider working if I work in office at 8pm right?! Obviously, it's more practical on marketing department which they have to OT often for site inspection and setup. It's not really fair to others as the rest will not entitle to get that much leave as they are.
Next, Saturday is supposed to be a working day but they cancelled it. If there's any rushing job, we will have to go back to office like normal day. What I thought was most of the companies work half day on Saturday, but it seems like my company is a little different, they work whole day on Saturday. Please, I can't deal with it. I want both of my weekends.
I'm being deducted one day salary out of my total paid due to I started working on 2nd of August. And funny to say that 1st of August is Sunday. Thus, need not me to say more, what do you think?
In terms of job scope, I actually handle it quite well but in fact, I don't really like it. Swt! I find out I hate to deal with sub-con when there's some kind of situation happens. I'm the middle person who totally not into the situation and try to deal with my supplier? End up, I have to call and recall again, to repeat to my manager and negotiate with my supplier again. Over and over again, tiring of that process. Another thing, when one same person who quoted you the pricing for few times, but getting no job from you, what's the sequences? You know, complaints will come, they might reject to quote for you too. Getting new sub-con to quote, but when it really awarded, you didn't give a chance to new one, it caused me in troubles for your high gross profit.
Sigh.. What to do? I'm not the decision maker.
I really like the environment and get along well with all my colleagues. But the problem is, I discover a lot of things that I don't wish to. Company is now having ISO, if I suddenly escape half way, I will delay their process too. Plus I feel so guilty and sorry to my manager, she put high hopes on me. I know she gotta be disappointed if I leave.
I know I complaint a lot. But it's just what I felt inside and the only way to release all these out is to blog. I'm seriously stressing myself out regarding this issue. I'm thinking about it from day to night. Aiks.. If you were me, what would you do?
Do I deserve something better?
It's my 2nd month of doing this job in this company. But I slowly find out that I don't really satisfy with the standard and rules of this company. It's out of my expectation. Not like what I been told during my interview. Some minor changes do affect a lot!
Firstly, the annual leave is too little, it's only 8 days. I've been asking around for their opinions, all feedback are "It's too little!" Another thing I heard about is something about Chinese New Year. The official public holidays that my company takes for CNY is only 2 days. Due to my boss has great believe in Feng Shui stuffs, so normally he will reopens the company much later like "Nian Chu Liu" or whatever. Meaning we will have 4 more days off right, but SAD to say that it will deduct from our ANNUAL LEAVE! What on earth is that? Isn't that supposed to be some FREE off day for the employees? But why to deduct it again? Not to mention the annual leave is ALREADY TOO LITTLE!
Secondly, regarding the Public Holidays, the lady boss is too "obey" the Labour Law which give us 10 days of holidays + recent announced Malaysia Day on 16th September 2010. All together is only 11 days. No extra holidays. Guess what, I have to work on 1st of January. Crazy people! I think it's the only company who work on New Year whereas all are enjoying their own sweet time. What's the point to work on that day where no one actually working? No point and it's wasting our time and petrol. Shit!
Thirdly, about the Over Time Claim. Note, no money claims for it. You can only claim for leave. I was being told that OT start counting after 6pm. Who knows, it starts counting after 6pm ONLY when you're working ON SITE. If you are to work late at office, no way! After 9pm only will counting for your OT. What does it means? I'm not consider working if I work in office at 8pm right?! Obviously, it's more practical on marketing department which they have to OT often for site inspection and setup. It's not really fair to others as the rest will not entitle to get that much leave as they are.
Next, Saturday is supposed to be a working day but they cancelled it. If there's any rushing job, we will have to go back to office like normal day. What I thought was most of the companies work half day on Saturday, but it seems like my company is a little different, they work whole day on Saturday. Please, I can't deal with it. I want both of my weekends.
I'm being deducted one day salary out of my total paid due to I started working on 2nd of August. And funny to say that 1st of August is Sunday. Thus, need not me to say more, what do you think?
In terms of job scope, I actually handle it quite well but in fact, I don't really like it. Swt! I find out I hate to deal with sub-con when there's some kind of situation happens. I'm the middle person who totally not into the situation and try to deal with my supplier? End up, I have to call and recall again, to repeat to my manager and negotiate with my supplier again. Over and over again, tiring of that process. Another thing, when one same person who quoted you the pricing for few times, but getting no job from you, what's the sequences? You know, complaints will come, they might reject to quote for you too. Getting new sub-con to quote, but when it really awarded, you didn't give a chance to new one, it caused me in troubles for your high gross profit.
Sigh.. What to do? I'm not the decision maker.
I really like the environment and get along well with all my colleagues. But the problem is, I discover a lot of things that I don't wish to. Company is now having ISO, if I suddenly escape half way, I will delay their process too. Plus I feel so guilty and sorry to my manager, she put high hopes on me. I know she gotta be disappointed if I leave.
I know I complaint a lot. But it's just what I felt inside and the only way to release all these out is to blog. I'm seriously stressing myself out regarding this issue. I'm thinking about it from day to night. Aiks.. If you were me, what would you do?
Do I deserve something better?
