丑陋

在刚过的星期五，我完成了我正式的第一份project。

但是event结束后，我并不觉得开心，因为我开始看见人性的丑陋。

原来电视剧里头的情景是会发生在真实的世界里。

我才加入将近七个月，没想到这么快我就开始看清某些人的真面目。

有些人起初对你不友善，至少你还看得见，而不像其他人心机那么重，表面对你好，可是在你背后却是另一个样子。

也许我太天真了吧！

我还以为我可以专心为我的未来打拼，如今看来我需要重新计划一番。

我不明白人为什么可以那么自私、那么残酷……

所有的人都很虚假，假到我无法相信。

不是所有人都会那么大方，真心地去教导你所有事情，你不知其实她在你背后会觉得你烦，觉得你什么都不会。

但他们却装得自己有多么的好，好得足以让你相信一切是真的。

事实是残酷的，我深信这一点。因为我差一点不能相信自己的耳朵，可是这一切确确实实都听进我的耳朵里。

对着这些人，我觉得很累。

人性险恶，我要如何预防？

但我应该庆幸，在短短的一晚里，总算让我看清这一切。

我更加明白了我不该轻易相信他人，也更加不可以随便对他人好，因为他们会利用这一点来获取对他们的利益。

为什么人不可以活得简单一些？为什么非要尔虞我诈，难道这样做会比较开心？

请容许我大喊，"Fuck you bitch! Go fuck yourself in the hell, fucking whore!!"

Break

Can I take a break? I really need a break.

My inner part feels imbalance. I am tired on both physically and mentally.

Not sure how to describe my feeling.

Listen to different people's said and stories. I cannot differentiate which is correct and which is wrong.

Why so mysterious? And why is it keep changing? Just fooling around?

It is unfair. But what to do?

I do not wish to give up so fast and easily. I tell myself that I need to prove to myself.

I can do it. Whatever it is, I will try my best to solve it.

But please give me time, I am only six months old in this company. Do not push me until I cannot breath anymore. While the rest being treat like a kindergarten children.

I am exhausted. Never work so hard like this before. Not that I did not work hard for previous company, just that this time I really put my effort in everything I do.

I want to fight for my future. I hope what I chosen is correct.

忙

从来，我都没像现在那么的忙……

早上做工，晚上也在做工。

这一次可说是我最努力的一次了，我真的很认真地去完成我的工作。

进工将近半年，我手头上的工作可说是已超过一般人所做的了。

不是想要炫耀，可是似乎真的太多了，尤其对一个还算新人的人。

已经连续三个月，我每天都在加班。

我不介意多做，我不计较，我告诉自己做多学多。

可是，我需要时间休息。

希望我的努力会被肯定，也希望我能拥有一定的成就。

一个人

一个人的周末……

今天一个人吃东西，一个人去剪头发，一个人下吉隆坡，一个人逛街……

我还蛮喜欢这样的。

这样让我觉得非常自由，因为我可以随意去我想去的地方。

虽然有时会觉得闷闷的，可是这种感觉还不错，似乎有着非常多的时间。

我也觉得额外轻松，也许太久没有属于我自己的周末了。

不过，晚上却觉得有点太闲，上线是唯一可做的事情。

才发现，原来我也可以很独立的。嘻嘻……

Mistake

Get away from family stress, but now getting even stressful on works.

Been working like a cow, non-stop doing the jobs.

Since the past two months, I finish work at 8 or 9 clock daily.

Hmm.. Today, I guess I am pretty tired, thus caused this mistake.

I feel very bad about myself for doing such mistake. Can't forgive myself.

I sent something to someone that I am not supposed to send. The worst part is that I can't recall back the message that had been sent!!

Oh God! Why this happened to me? Why am I so careless?

Although my boss never scold me on this, he still told me nicely to be more careful next time. I feel even guilty about myself. I feel very sorry. Stupid HAZEL!!

Secondly, I did not capture photos for the setup I did at Metropolitan College. Damn...

Should have taken by myself, why depends on others? When they don't even care. Sigh..

What's wrong with me? I keep thinking back on the mistakes that I did. Speechless.. Knock my head to the wall please..

What a day!

中秋节

这个日子，我一点也不觉得温馨。

我做工忙，你有体谅过我吗？

读书的时候是这样，现在也是这样。

永远， 我都是错的！

我，从来都不被你珍惜。

别人的忙是忙，难道我的忙不是忙吗？

家，对我而言，没有温暖了。

我，更加不需要你的爱了。

你，只会让我痛心。

我的心碎了。

Updated!

It's time to get updated about my life! What was the last post that I wrote? I can't even remember it. It's okay, let's start with the new one.

I think I have not mentioned that I changed job from the previous company. Now I'm in the event industry again. Hooray~ Back to my original place, not bad though.

I've been really busy travelling around. First job on hand is the contact lens roadshow where I need to travel all around. I went to Johor Bahru for 3 times within 2 weeks time. I also went to Krabi, Thailand earlier for my first company trip. Quite fun and I tried something new there. And then, next week I am going to Penang.

Love my life to be like this, going everywhere to see different things and persons. And I bet you won't believe me, my company got 25 confirmed jobs for the next 6 months. That means I will be real real busy for the next half year. Great, I like to be busy rather than too free doing nothing. Can't wait for all those events to reach. Hehe.. Glad that I choose the right company although there's hard time sometimes.

De-stress

Am stressed, super stressed.

Feel uneasy. How to release all my stress-ness?

Am out of ideas, how to settle that problem?

How how how?

Feel wanna shout out loud. Cannot breathe.

Too many things come towards me.

Everything, please stop for a second. I need a little while to breathe.

Take deep breathe.

Ideas, mari please~

Mad

It has been really long time I did not visit here. But I guess today I must release my anger and tension here.

I changed to new job. It is my second month, going to third month already. Finally back to event line. And I am handling the ongoing roadshows for Ciba Vision.

Being so tired to run this project alone, have to take care of everything. Somehow I know I gained more throughout the whole process.

I feel stressed but it is alright, I still can handle it. But what I hate most is to monitor the performance of promoters. They are not doing their job well.

I've met the most terrible promoter today, she has very terrible attitude until she pissed me off so badly. I never feel so angry for such long time. What is it in this world now? Why the youngster can act like this? I feel like slapping her seriously. She never do her work well and keep talking to her boyfriend yet she still feel she doing very well and she never respect people. What kind of attitude is that? Are you the uneducated bitch come from jungle? You never learn to respect people, better don't come out and work, giving problems only. She thought she's the boss, may be. Perhaps I shall ask her to pay me right?

Well, wasting my time to argue with her so much, she will never admit her stupidity. You don't know who I am. I will make sure you know that! So just fire off! No more hassle. I will not see them tomorrow. Great! Keep your attitude like this and I am sure that you will be paying it off back one day! Screw you!!

Totally frustrated with all these people. Just go home and don't waste our time here.

Angry until almost gastric. Bad.

Fuck off bitch! Never let me see your face again. Shame on you!! This two Chinese is even worse than Malay.

Today is damn freaking not cool. Went off paying parking fees, got no change for me. Press help button, the guy asked me to go B1 parking office to get my change but nobody was there! Argh.. Why so bad luck? Gotta take it tomorrow.

Exhausted. Feel like no strength anymore. Used too much energy just now. Time to rest. I still got long journey to go.

Hard

Being so hard to live with you.

I'm getting really annoyed to see your face.

Can you stop bothering my life?

Why would you act like this while others don't?

Being very stressful with my life.

At the moment, I wish I could get a job asap and focus on that.

But you never allow me to do so.

You make my life uneasy by adding so much of extra pressure which is not-so-important now.

How can I escape from you?

Seriously, I'm tired with you.

I'm exhausted with your selfishness, over self-centered, not understanding, money-minded and etc.

Sorry to say that.

But I really can't stand it, as I already tried very hard to ignore it.

One day, if I become insane, that must be you who made be like that.

Please, let me go. I will feel much better. I appreciate it if you could do so.

Getting emo, you hurt me a lot with your words. Stupid!

Unhappy

I'm not happy.

No one could actually stand at my side and think about it.

Please don't keep on blame me.

All these will only lead me to lack of self-confidence.

What I need now is support and guidance from you guys.

Don't take me as if I don't know how to think at all.

Everything starts from zero.

Yes, I know this. But no point keep repeating about the past.

Past is past. I am unable to change it.

If I knew it earlier, then I will not sitting here already.

I will be a genius now.

I am disappointed with myself. =(

人生

人生, 原来人的一生真的很烦!

我的脑袋装了太多的烦恼, 就快满出来了.

愿天保佑, 一切顺顺利利, 万事解决.

我需要运气!

我不想要再这样下去了.

运气快来, 我真的需要你来改变我的生活.